Well…that was the last message he sent out via Facebook.  Knowing Zach, I sure he would have taken time more time if he was choosing his last words.  It would have been one of two things: something with so much poetic depth I would only probably pretend to understand the symbolism, or Zach would have chosen words with such wit I may have spit up laughing.

That was typically how things went with Zach.  The picture below is of my empty food-drive box that was outside my door.  Zach stole it, made it into a can-eating monster created by a Sharpie, then put it back.  As soon as I opened my door, he had placed the box so it would be facing me.  I LAUGHED SO HARD.  Typical.  Taking the time and appreciating the beauty in paying attention to every detail.  I used the NOM-NOM box as my recycling container for the rest of the year.

I really only met Zach this year.  I think that everyone in the same position can agree that it feels like you’ve known him for years.  I felt so sick when I heard the news this afternoon.  Lost my mind for a bit.  Processing news like that is always plagued with denial, the ‘why’s?’, all the while…reality is slapping you in the face and letting you know that you are alive.  You are here.  But, you are going to continue without your friend.

This year was so great.  I couldn’t ask for a better one.  My building was the greatest community of people I have ever been a part of.  It has been difficult to imagine the group without anyone.  I was really looking forward to seeing Zach again.  He was one of the people I couldn’t wait to catch up with.

To be honest, this is awful.  Everyone that can relate is pretty much only reachable by phone.  Life can be so sad.  It times like this when raw emotions are thrown on the table.  Deal with them.  Grow up quickly.

I just hung up a framed picture yesterday afternoon.  I bought the frame  during a trip to the Willimantic Flea Market with Zach and our friends Regan, Collin, and Ashley.  Zach bought a book of poems.  I don’t know where the drive to finally hang the frame came from, but it was seemed like such a must. 

I left my house today to spend time with friends, and do my best to enjoy the holiday.  The sunset was so beautiful on the ride home.  The purple sky cast itself over the bay, and the sun was stained a blood orange.  I sometimes think the sky can dictate a mood, but I think this sky was created especially by Zach.  “Don’t worry guys, I’m fine.  Enjoy this.  I’ll be upstairs”.

Trying to remember every moment is impossible.  But that doesn’t stop us from trying.  I remembered that I had 3 CDs that Zach burned for me still in my drawer.  I put off taking them out all day.  I just finished uploading all of them.  I bet if Zach really knew that I never actually listened to all of the songs, he probably would have had the most sarcastic reply about me being a terrible friend.  The 51 songs are currently on repeat. 

I wish I could have let you know how much you mean to me.  I know most of us will have to settle for the internet as a medium.  Jeeeeez Zach, I miss you so much.  Thank you for everything.  See you soon enough.